Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
