why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
