using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
