I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my being single is dangerous.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize