Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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