What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
