I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
