Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
