I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
