My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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