After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
