my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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