I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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