Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
