Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
