Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
