So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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