PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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