Your tits are I can't wait for
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
you made out with another girl for some wings
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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