"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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