needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
