You smell like stripper and shame
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
