# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
