Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
