if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
