Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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