Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
