i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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