I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Randomize
