I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
