I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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