I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
