my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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