so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
