u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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