3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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