God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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