I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you had me at cake vodka
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
