her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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