K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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