No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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