Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
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