my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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