Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
