He uses pillows to masturbate.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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