I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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