Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Do you remember whose house we're in?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
