Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
