Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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