I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize