last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
