: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
