Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Banned from zoo.
Again?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
