is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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