i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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