its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
