One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
