And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We just shotgunned beers for America
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
