honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
