Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
