my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
