I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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