I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
