My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
