I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
