Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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