it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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