i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
