So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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