Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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