lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize