standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
