Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
