the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
