just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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