just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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