Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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