Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
