The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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