I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
