I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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