If i come over, it means nothing
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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