she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
