this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
