dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
