i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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