I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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