Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
