Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
