Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
