so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
