He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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