Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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