Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
