So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
