He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
