so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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