...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize