Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Actions speak louder than pants.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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