Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
